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Unwelcome Guests

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 26, 2020 at 9:35 PM

Have you ever had someone visit that makes you feel uncomfortable? That doesn't quite support you... or at least not how you need it? I'm faced with this today, and it's very hard. I have guests who want to come and see me. See Ben. We don't know them well and their intentions are good BUT it's always a draining visit. 


I want to be the people-pleaser. I want to host and be proper, but in my heart I know it doesn't serve me at this time. I just can't look after anyone else. I am emotionally ... full. It takes all the will, self-reflection and inner strength but I have to simply say, 'no.' 


Today is Ben's mom's birthday and we are not even seeing her! Why would I think he/we could manage a visit with somebody less important than a mom? As soon as I have said 'no', a weight is lifted from my shoulders. I realize it's for the best.


There are hurt feelings, and it was really hard for me. I am not sure how I feel, entirely. Not proud, but a little bit ...good? A little bit... like I matter... more. And that is something I want everyone else in the world to know and believe. That you matter. 


And so here I am... doing hard things.. and MATTERING all over the place. It's hard work. 


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