CancerWifeNinja

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Kris Fuller, CancerWifeNinja sharing my journey... as my husband battles Stage 4 Colon Cancer. 

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Hoist and Lift

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 11, 2020 at 5:40 PM Comments comments (0)

We go to get his port cleaned in Armstrong. His legs are still pretty swollen. He lowers himself into the car and once he's in, he uses his arms to lift his legs into the car. He's discouraged that he's still so weak.


At the clinic, he hoists himself out of the car. Gingerly. Using his arms to assist himself up and out. Go slow, I remind. Constantly reminding. Constantly worrying. I watch him walk to the door before I park. Ple...

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7am Impossibilities

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 11, 2020 at 10:00 AM Comments comments (0)

I've been staying up until 11pm to help Ben with his PICC line meds. Not that he needs it now. He can wrangle his arms into any position to get his syringes lined up. It amazes me.


But sometimes, it's just the little thing I can do. And I find with his sleepiness, I want to ensure he is taking his meds... on time. Sometimes an alarm has gone off and we set him up, but if he dozes off, time passes and we are off track. ...

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Chocolate Cake, Visitors & Puffy Ankles

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 10, 2020 at 6:30 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben's feeling great today and he bakes me us (...whatever, it's for me....) a triple layer chocolate cake. It's full of eggs, butter and looks amazing. Dolce ...something... his brothers recipe. Mmmm. 


Mid-bake, we are delighted by a surprise visit. It's Shelley and David! They called but we didnt' answer and I'm so glad they took a chance. They stopped by and their timing is perfect for a qui...

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Trucks and Bars

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 10, 2020 at 3:50 AM Comments comments (0)

Vince and Lizzie come out in their truck. I want Vince to install a support bar just outside the shower, and I've requested him and his drill. He arrives and I tell him, actually...no installation will be happening. I am ready for a support bar in the bathroom, but, in the end, Ben's determination to NOT have it installed wins.


I put my feet in his shoes and think about the independence he once had and how he fights for it ...

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Souvlaki & Love

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 9, 2020 at 8:45 PM Comments comments (0)

I've lent my paddleboards to a friend for the week. She's thanked us by dropping off a huge meal of chicken, ribs, rice and Greek potatoes. It's around 3pm and the perfect surprise.


She gives me a 'thank you for the boards' card along with the food and I can't wait to see her again when she returns home. These little visits lift me up so much!I find I am leary to leave our house right now. My heart...

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Fatso

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 8, 2020 at 9:15 PM Comments comments (0)

We've had smooth sailing now. 

Surgery and stitches are behind us. 

Ben's delighted that he has an appetite again. And even better, he's put on 10lbs!

Yes, Fatso. Keep it coming.... 

PT Home Visit

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 7, 2020 at 9:15 PM Comments comments (0)

PT home visit- that's the physical therapist. We talk about supports, showers, strength. We talk about how nervous I am- the watchful wife- and how to mitigate my craziness. One step at a time.


I want absolutely everything in the house. Bars, floor to ceiling supports, a motorized wheelchair (the same one as Stephen Hawking...cos, when you're cool, you're cool...), shower chairs, lifts. ...

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Chemo Postponed

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 7, 2020 at 1:20 PM Comments comments (0)

Chemo is postponed this week. I'm not surprised. With surgery and stitches, his body has a lot to heal. It's not our first postponement, but it's still disappointing. 

Keeping Him Up

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 1:30 PM Comments comments (0)

Once home, I read the concussion literature and worry about his sleeping. I just want to keep him awake. I'm nervous and it shows. I read snippets to Ben but he assures me he is fine. 


I'm sleeping in the living room with you. I don't want you alone. He smiles, yes, a sleepover. 


To be clear, it's the day bed for me and the electric bed for him. ...

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Butterfly and Goodbye

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 4:25 AM Comments comments (0)

Butterfly bandages on his chin and we are ready to go.


It's cut but not that badly. It was just a lot for me all at once. Ben's annoyed that we went back and I feel bad for making him.


The hospital team panders to me, but I don't care one bit. 'Well, at least your wife will have peace of mind.'... 'We don't want your wife worrying about you.' and this second visit becomes all about me.

...
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RCMP and Return

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 3:20 AM Comments comments (0)

An officer just outside the ER saw us struggle and heads over to offer help. He asks if we are okay and I tell him, 'We just left emerg, but now we are going to go back.' He offers his arms and together we help Ben up. He walks beside Ben, steadying him on the right side and I am on the left side. We get back into the ER and I thank him. 


The nurse is surprised to see us. 


...

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Stumble

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 3:05 AM Comments comments (0)

As we leave the ER, I am hovering. I know it. Slow down, I say. We aren't in a rush. I know he just wants to get home but I feel he is going too fast.


There is a slight incline in the sidewalk and before I know what is happening, Ben is down...on the sidewalk. He stumbled on his shoes, he says.


But what I saw was a faceplant into hard concrete. He didn't...

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Midnight Six

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 2:50 AM Comments comments (0)

The doctor arrives and Ben gets six stitches in his head.


I take photos (by request) again to show him. The cut is just behind his ear and he can't see it. He's genuinely surprised by the size of it. My photos from home were not very sharp in the mad dash!  


He's cleaned up and checked out. It's just about midnight and we head for home. 

Timing

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 1:55 AM Comments comments (0)

As we wait, I notice the time. It's just after 10pm. Damn. Ben's next meds are at 11pm and I have a feeling we won't make it home by then. It's a busy Saturday night in the emergency department. At 10:30 I talk to a nurse about the cancer meds. She tells us she will sort it out, but she gets busy and forgets. 


At 11pm, we have not been seen yet and my concern for pain meds is growing. We have learned, we need to...

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Bump in the Night

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 5, 2020 at 12:35 AM Comments comments (0)

As soon as I feel we can relax...I hear a loud 'thud' and I jump up. I ask if he's okay... but something just doesn't feel right. I tell him 'I'm coming in'. He had a hot shower to warm up and it left him lightheaded afterwards. He fell over and I walk in to find him on the bathroom floor. His head has a cut, but it doesn't look good. At all. 


Heads bleed a lot. Apparently, it's known. But in that moment,...

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Cat W.A.L.K.

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 4, 2020 at 9:50 PM Comments comments (0)

I offer a walk and Ben says yes. He's annoyed at feeling weak, he isn't happy about it. I remind him it takes time to build up strength. We walk to the end of the block and back around 2pm. I slow my pace to match his. I don't want to rush him. It's a gentle pace and I find it hard to resist speeding up. 


We repeat this slow walk around 6pm and on our way home, we see Mrs. Mia in the street. "That's our c...

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Royal Treatment

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 4, 2020 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben is catering to me. He wants me to rest. It's a funny balance... we both want the other one to rest.


But, what will it hurt him to cook me eggs? He makes brunch, coffee and serves me.


I'm in heaven. Having him home, seeing him up, returning to normalcy. 


The...

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Private Award Ceremony

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 3, 2020 at 11:00 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben diligently signs all my gardening awards and tells me: No video of this please. (I'm not surprised and I agree). 

He reads all my silly details on the certificates and feigns suprise to see 'Kristina Fuller' as the recipient for them all.  Good job, honey. He tells me. It's Ben, Mia and myself on our little deck. We light the wood stove and enjoy the yard together. It's perfect. 


...
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Cleaning and Home Coming

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 3, 2020 at 4:45 PM Comments comments (0)

I'm heading to the hospital at 9am and a friend has offered to come and clean my house. I am so touched and tell her the timing is perfect. I don't even know what I need, but she will. She's bringing her mom and her own cleaning supplies. It makes it a no-brainer for me and I'm grateful. 


I arrive to the hospital and the great news is.. he's being discharged! He's eating, alert and surgery results ...

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Wolverine and Tired Wife

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 3, 2020 at 12:30 AM Comments comments (0)

Ben eats like a wolverine. He samples everything. He's so happy to be eating. He's so excited that food tastes good and isn't hurting.  


I eat beside him. I'm quiet. 


You're too tired, he says. You're doing too much. Don't come here tomorrow. My eyes fill up with tears and I stammer, 'But I want to see you every day.' 

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