CancerWifeNinja

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Kris Fuller, CancerWifeNinja sharing my journey... as my husband battles Stage 4 Colon Cancer. 

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Picnic and Hallway Hugs

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 11:15 PM Comments comments (0)

I shop as fast as I can. I have no idea what I have at home. The last six days have been me alone and I am not certain of anything. $84.12 and forty minutes goes fast! I'm home in a jiffy and I whip up ham sandwiches.


Meow. It's my Mia!!! She pads in, purrs up against me and I sneak in a cuddle. I put her down and say, "Sorry, little bug, I have to go again. Meow, meow." She stays...

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Time Warp

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 9:00 PM Comments comments (0)

I find Lisa in the parking lot and I can't believe how slow the day started and now it's like a whirl wind. We are behind the transport van by a litte. It doesn't really matter, Ben is on the way back to our local area and I'm so happy for that. 


I'm so tired, why did I think I would have nap or rest during this day...? My eyes are burning with exhaustion and my brain is tired. Exhausted. 


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Fast !

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 7:50 PM Comments comments (0)

We ordered Shirley Temples and Summer Smoothies. Fun, but alcohol free. I just wanted sugar and delight. Our appies arrive and we eat on the patio in sunshine. Shortly after (3:30) Ben texts... it's done. I'm getting transported in 20 minutes. I really want a coco-cola slush. 


What?! Really!? We demand our cheque and our server is amazing. We pay, leave half of our things on the table and rush out the 'Th...

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SEE ME!!!

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 6:20 PM Comments comments (0)

Lisa had offered muffins while she was out but I declined. But now, a few minutes later, it's a different story. The lattes aren't enough and we go to a local restaurant for a snack.


It's slow and annoying. We wait in line, tables are sterlized, time drags. I understand why but today I just want to be given a pass. No more waiting, screening, health, COVid.


Just let me sit. An...

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The Longest Day

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 5:20 PM Comments comments (0)

The hotel is amazing. It's right on the lake front. A true treat and a luxury I didn't expect. My sister and I turn in as soon as dinner is done (okay, full disclosure, probably 30 minutes later... but not like our usual nights together). We tuck into the queen size bed and sleep comes fast. 


It doesn't last, though. I wake up at 6 and send Ben a hello. He's still in Salmon Arm. Transport is scheduled for some t...

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Jaxon with an X

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 1:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Dear Jaxon with an 'x' 

You were our server tonight. My sister and I. We were weary travellers. We ate late and you served us. I felt bad that I wasn't dressed up, I wished I had the time and energy to look nicer in the beautiful hotel... but today I have cried so much that mascara doesn't stand a chance in any case.


Your smile lit up my heart...it's a great smile. You were delightfu...

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Drive, Drive, Drive

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 2, 2020 at 12:45 AM Comments comments (0)

I am in a panic. I have to get this house ready... in case Ben is discharged to my care after surgery. Flip the sheets, wash the floors, scrub the toilet. Priorities for him. My exhaustion and neglect has added up in four days. Dishes, counters, dusting. It's all undone and I'm sweating and I power clean... late in the day. I know I have three hours of driving and tasks still to complete tonight as well.... 


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Sunflower. Squash. Friends for Life

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 1, 2020 at 10:55 PM Comments comments (0)

I was going to stay with a friend who lives close to the hospital in Kelowna. We have a cold in the house, she text me. I don't think you'll want to risk it. It's just a runny nose, but she, too, has had a cancer journey and understands the importance of health. Understands the risks of weak immune systems.


She's so loving and respectful and then she adds, "We have treated you to ...

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Surgery Hopes & Fears

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 1, 2020 at 7:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Tomorrow is Ben's surgery. I am glad for the projects and busy work today to keep my mind off it. I'm excited for the surgery to work, to be the main source of pain- and have it FINALLY - be eliminated. That's my best wish and hope. 


But I am also quite scared. I hope he is strong enough for this surgery and that everything goes super smooth. So many things have not gone smooth on this cancer journey...we...

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Support in the Rain

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 1, 2020 at 7:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Alenna and Preston have come out on July 1 - Happy Canada Day- to help with a few projects. The ladies start staining cedar wood for inside and Preston starts the garbage shelves. I do love a work crew. We are so blessed! 


There's a light drizzle, but we manage to work under cover and stay dry. 


The best part is they also take a truckload of plants to put for sale in ...

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Employee of the Month

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 11:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Today I won four awards! I am the employee of the month at Fuller Greens. 


Did I make up the categories myself? Yes. 

Did I choose myself as the winner. Also, yes. 


Was Ben smiling with delight when I showed him. Yes. So much yes. We had another evening visit at the hospital. He can't wait to be home again. 


I to...

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Trim and Trout

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 4:25 PM Comments comments (0)

My neighbours have cut the trim for our house to the sizes I need (the long way.. making a 1x6 into a 1x4 for a few oversights I made on my wood order).


When I was there going over the cuts, they sent me home with a freshly caught trout. They just made my day, and guess what? Now I feel like I CAN get the laundry done. 

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 12:25 PM Comments comments (0)

 

While Ben is in hospital waiting for surgery, I thought, 'Great! Now I can really get things done in the house, too.'


One of my challenges has been navigating around him. His sleep, his being in the house constantly, his schedule. It's hard to run the dishwasher and laundry while being quiet. When to change the sheets without disrupting him. Even feeing the cat makes too much noise sometimes! And I know ...

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For Ben

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 3:15 AM Comments comments (0)

I love the help that comes to lift us up. Family and friends keeping Fuller Greens going in this first exciting year.


Well, it should have been a first exciting year. 2020 was it! He was ready! It was exciting to finally get it going for the public. Ben works so hard on being perfect in his garden arena. He wants perfect plants, perfect website, perfect everything. His business philosophy is the opposite of mine. I ...

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Me Day

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 29, 2020 at 1:45 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben's mom will visit with him in the hospital today. She wants to but I also get a break! 

My cousin is coming to do more yard work (her girls loved it!) and I am so excited. She's bringing lunch and I can't wait. 

Gall Bladder and More Hospital

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 8:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben is scheduled for a gall bladder removal on Thursday in Kelowna.

They want to keep him admitted in hospital until then for pain management and monitoring his middle. I'm back and forth to the hospital three times today to visit and sit with him. It's so long and boring in this room. Sir-Farts-A-Lot is still in action, too. Poor Ben! 


At the same time we feel peace for his pain man...

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Farts are Funny

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 7:45 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben has a roomate. Another cancer patient. There is a curtain between us but we can hear what is going on. 


Farting. A lot of farting. He lets one go now!


I stifle a snicker and look at Ben. 


He farts all night, Ben whispers to me. And we get the giggles. The silent giggles. I put my hand over my mouth. I can hardly control my laughter ...

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9

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 3:45 AM Comments comments (0)

I visit Ben in the hospital. His pain was as high as it's ever been. It was a 9 last night he says. I thought I was going to die.


I sit gently beside him on the hospital bed. How do you feel now? I ask him and he says much better. He wants to live, be alive! He wants to be home and keep planning. But last night was hard.


I cannot imagine a 9 /10 on pain ...

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Good Morning Sunshine

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 27, 2020 at 9:35 AM Comments comments (0)

I wake up early. Mia is at my feet. (smiles) 

I text Ben at 6am and he replies with a heart. (love) 

Don't rush over, he says. They are getting me in for a CT scan and the doctor won't be here until noon. We text for a while and I go back to sleep with Mia.


Oh, Mia-Mia.... you're so tired... I say as I pet her. She stretches big and we snuggle together for more sleep. ...

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Midnight Car

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 27, 2020 at 7:20 AM Comments comments (0)

After Ben checks in, I wait in the parking lot until midnight.

I recline in the drivers seat and call my sister in Alberta. She's awake and good company for this midnight car. We talk about how tired I am, how much the pain is annoying and how good it is to be at the hospital. We talk about her boys and their farm. And we talk about me. Am I okay? Am I getting enough support? Yes. I feel loved. 

Eventually Ben texts m...

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