CancerWifeNinja

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Kris Fuller, CancerWifeNinja sharing my journey... as my husband battles Stage 4 Colon Cancer. 

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Surgery Hopes & Fears

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 1, 2020 at 7:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Tomorrow is Ben's surgery. I am glad for the projects and busy work today to keep my mind off it. I'm excited for the surgery to work, to be the main source of pain- and have it FINALLY - be eliminated. That's my best wish and hope. 


But I am also quite scared. I hope he is strong enough for this surgery and that everything goes super smooth. So many things have not gone smooth on this cancer journey...we...

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Support in the Rain

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on July 1, 2020 at 7:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Alenna and Preston have come out on July 1 - Happy Canada Day- to help with a few projects. The ladies start staining cedar wood for inside and Preston starts the garbage shelves. I do love a work crew. We are so blessed! 


There's a light drizzle, but we manage to work under cover and stay dry. 


The best part is they also take a truckload of plants to put for sale in ...

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Employee of the Month

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 11:05 PM Comments comments (0)

Today I won four awards! I am the employee of the month at Fuller Greens. 


Did I make up the categories myself? Yes. 

Did I choose myself as the winner. Also, yes. 


Was Ben smiling with delight when I showed him. Yes. So much yes. We had another evening visit at the hospital. He can't wait to be home again. 


I to...

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Trim and Trout

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 4:25 PM Comments comments (0)

My neighbours have cut the trim for our house to the sizes I need (the long way.. making a 1x6 into a 1x4 for a few oversights I made on my wood order).


When I was there going over the cuts, they sent me home with a freshly caught trout. They just made my day, and guess what? Now I feel like I CAN get the laundry done. 

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 12:25 PM Comments comments (0)

 

While Ben is in hospital waiting for surgery, I thought, 'Great! Now I can really get things done in the house, too.'


One of my challenges has been navigating around him. His sleep, his being in the house constantly, his schedule. It's hard to run the dishwasher and laundry while being quiet. When to change the sheets without disrupting him. Even feeing the cat makes too much noise sometimes! And I know ...

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For Ben

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 30, 2020 at 3:15 AM Comments comments (0)

I love the help that comes to lift us up. Family and friends keeping Fuller Greens going in this first exciting year.


Well, it should have been a first exciting year. 2020 was it! He was ready! It was exciting to finally get it going for the public. Ben works so hard on being perfect in his garden arena. He wants perfect plants, perfect website, perfect everything. His business philosophy is the opposite of mine. I ...

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Me Day

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 29, 2020 at 1:45 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben's mom will visit with him in the hospital today. She wants to but I also get a break! 

My cousin is coming to do more yard work (her girls loved it!) and I am so excited. She's bringing lunch and I can't wait. 

Gall Bladder and More Hospital

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 8:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben is scheduled for a gall bladder removal on Thursday in Kelowna.

They want to keep him admitted in hospital until then for pain management and monitoring his middle. I'm back and forth to the hospital three times today to visit and sit with him. It's so long and boring in this room. Sir-Farts-A-Lot is still in action, too. Poor Ben! 


At the same time we feel peace for his pain man...

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Farts are Funny

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 7:45 PM Comments comments (0)

Ben has a roomate. Another cancer patient. There is a curtain between us but we can hear what is going on. 


Farting. A lot of farting. He lets one go now!


I stifle a snicker and look at Ben. 


He farts all night, Ben whispers to me. And we get the giggles. The silent giggles. I put my hand over my mouth. I can hardly control my laughter ...

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9

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 28, 2020 at 3:45 AM Comments comments (0)

I visit Ben in the hospital. His pain was as high as it's ever been. It was a 9 last night he says. I thought I was going to die.


I sit gently beside him on the hospital bed. How do you feel now? I ask him and he says much better. He wants to live, be alive! He wants to be home and keep planning. But last night was hard.


I cannot imagine a 9 /10 on pain ...

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Good Morning Sunshine

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 27, 2020 at 9:35 AM Comments comments (0)

I wake up early. Mia is at my feet. (smiles) 

I text Ben at 6am and he replies with a heart. (love) 

Don't rush over, he says. They are getting me in for a CT scan and the doctor won't be here until noon. We text for a while and I go back to sleep with Mia.


Oh, Mia-Mia.... you're so tired... I say as I pet her. She stretches big and we snuggle together for more sleep. ...

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Midnight Car

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 27, 2020 at 7:20 AM Comments comments (0)

After Ben checks in, I wait in the parking lot until midnight.

I recline in the drivers seat and call my sister in Alberta. She's awake and good company for this midnight car. We talk about how tired I am, how much the pain is annoying and how good it is to be at the hospital. We talk about her boys and their farm. And we talk about me. Am I okay? Am I getting enough support? Yes. I feel loved. 

Eventually Ben texts m...

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22 minutes Matters

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 27, 2020 at 2:15 AM Comments comments (0)

Pain! Again! 


We load Ben up with the meds we have, we do what we can. He wants to wait to see if it 'kicks in' but I have learned. It's 11pm. 


I say, No, get in the car. If it kicks in in 22 minutes, we took a nice leisurely drive and we can come right home.


BUT if it does not... we will be right at Emerg. He agrees and in a flash I have made a cop...

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Unwelcome Guests

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 26, 2020 at 9:35 PM Comments comments (0)

Have you ever had someone visit that makes you feel uncomfortable? That doesn't quite support you... or at least not how you need it? I'm faced with this today, and it's very hard. I have guests who want to come and see me. See Ben. We don't know them well and their intentions are good BUT it's always a draining visit. 


I want to be the people-pleaser. I want to host and be proper, but in my heart I know it does...

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Lose one, Get one

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 26, 2020 at 7:25 PM Comments comments (0)

The chemo bottle on a bag was removed at 10am. Hooray for small freedoms. 


A second sub-Q port was added to his left arm. Boo for more holes and contraptions in his body. He has TWO on that arm.. but meds need their own. And eventually it will be back to one as we transition this medical change (trying something new!) 

Home Care... Cares

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 25, 2020 at 1:00 PM Comments comments (0)

Home care visits again. They really want to get Ben's pain under control. Yes, us too.It's been constantly at 4 or 5 out of 10. Sometimes even 6 and 7. At 8 or 9 we go to ER and I'm sure it's off the chart when we arrive. 


We are going to try a new drug. Something under the tongue. Mix it up to see improvements. They ask Ben what he would like to be doing with his time and I jump in, 'Come see his yard! He's an ...

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Near Future

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 25, 2020 at 2:55 AM Comments comments (0)

I google the term Near Future for two hours.

What does it mean....

So, no...what does it really mean....

No, wait... don't tell me... 

...or... no, I don't know. Near.

                                       How nea...

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Bold Brochures, Brave Wife

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 25, 2020 at 2:45 AM Comments comments (0)

Ben tells me I should check out the brochures on the fridge. They were given to us by the home care team. I thumb through the information on home care, palliative care and pain management. There is a brochure on Hospice and End of Life and it sends tingles shooting down to my feet and fingers. Of course, in both brochures, the language is kind and includes a lot of 'IF' and 'WHEN' but I can't unread the words in bold. 


...

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You Must Be Getting Sleep

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 25, 2020 at 2:35 AM Comments comments (0)

I tell Ben I just don't feel like I am getting any sleep. 


He tells me the lumberjack snoring in my bedroom has a different story to tell. 


As a defiant non-snorer, I am not impressed with this false report. I'm sure it's a new-found habit (snoring) and only due to stress. COVid? Cancer? Weight gain? Boo, snoring. And boo, no sleep. 

Electric Bed 5 Star

Posted by benbeatscancer@gmail.com on June 25, 2020 at 1:30 AM Comments comments (0)

He loves it.  


It lifts his upper body. Which helps because he is often weak. 

It lifts his feet. His once again badly swollen feet. Which helps because it's an ordeal to lift feet, legs and shove pillows in. 

It moves his body slowly and slightly. Which helps because with a sore back and stomach, the pain of moving sucks. 

It's fi...

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